Murakami's office
by Fantony
Summary: What if the Gravitation characters only were "actors" at the mercy of Murakami? Working with such eccentric employees is no picnic! Claims, complaints, pain and joy… Welcome to Murakami's office!
1. Megamix

**_Plot:_** _What if the Gravitation characters only were "actors" at the mercy of Murakami? Working with such eccentric employees is no picnic!! Claims, complaints, pain and joy… Welcome to Murakami's office!!_

_**Note**: No offence meant to anyone! And no offence meant to Murakami either (i lover her work!!) This is just for fun!  
Don't be surprised if "Murakami" actually never talks in this fic, I have no idea what she would say, so she's just a listener here! ;-)  
I hope this has never been made before, and if it has, then i'm sorry! _

_For those of you who may not know (thanks Kitani for having mentioned that!):  
**GRAVITATION EX** is the sequel to the original manga series. So far, there's only been one volume published in English (beware, this fic contains some spoilers!!)  
**GRAVITATION REMIXES** are a 13 volumes doujinshi series which are more sexually explicit than the manga  
**GRAVITATION MEGAMIXES **(Panda, Kumagorou, Capybara) are extremely graphic and explicit, even much more than the remixes_

_**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gravitation/Ex/Megamix. Nor do I own Maki Murakami! Ah ah!_

_**CHAPTER 1**: Eiri complains about the Gravitation Megamix._

_Please bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes! ;-)_

* * *

**MEGAMIX**

Yuki Eiri is angry. No, wait. He is in a mad rage. He nervously lights a cigarette and nearly knocks down the door of Murakami's office.

"Hey Murakami! It's high time you and I have a little talk!" He snaps.

"Yuki, I don't think this is necessary…" Shuichi whispers, tugging at the blonde's sleeve.

"Shut the hell up, you fucking punk!"

"But what if she fires us?" the young guy asks, glancing anxiously at the mangaka.

"Bollocks! We are her bread and butter so she would never get rid of us, would you, Murakami?" Eiri sneers. "And don't you dare look at me that way! You perfectly know why I'm here today, you freak! Just because you're my boss doesn't mean you can take all the liberties you want! That I am a murderer, fine. I suppose every story needs its dose of drama. That I am a moron who spends his life feeling sorry for himself and vomiting blood is one thing. I would have rather been a superhero or something, but never mind. That my character is a gay writer is still okay… Well, actually, maybe I wouldn't have minded that much if my partner was Brad Pitt, but really, have you seen that dumbass?" He snarls, pointing at Shuichi.

"Hey, Yuki! I thought you loved me! For real! You said Gravitation had brought us closer and that you had ended up developing some feelings towards me!"

"Yeah, well, I suppose those things happen when you have to spend all your time with someone! Let's face it, I spend so much time working with you that I don't even have time to date chicks anymore!"

"Whaaaa…??!! And there was me thinking you were sincere! What about that kiss you gave me when you drove me home the other day, after the shooting of Gravitation Ex?"

"Ah yeah… Gravitation Ex… Let's talk about it! What kind of joke was that, Murakami? I won't even mention the fact that I become blind", Eiri says, rolling his eyes, "but what's all that stuff with that fucking Sakuma guy?? I mean… Come on! You make Shuichi cheat on me with a thirty something year old freak who wears a pink bunny costume!! Jesus! I don't care it's only a fiction! I've got my pride! Do you even realize I have a life on my own outside Gravitation? What will people think of me?"

"I think Ryuichi is pretty hot…" Shuichi hazards. "And he's actually a good kisser"

Eiri gives him a black look.

"Yuki, would you be jealous, by any chance?" The pink-haired guy beams, rubbing his face against Eiri's cheek.

"Fuck off!"

"Murakami-sensei! Please say something! See how he's mean to me? And I have to endure this everyday! I warn you, if you don't lecture him, I'll go on strike!"

"Who cares? Piss off, that'll give me a break!" Eiri teases.

"Yukiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!"

Eiri knocks Shuichi's head on Maki Murakami's desk.

"Anyway, we're getting off the point…" He takes a long drag off his cigarette. "Murakami, can you explain THIS?" He shouts, brandishing a pile of papers. "Gravitation Megamix… Were you out of your mind when you wrote this?? Did you really think I was going to accept doing those… those creepy things? That script really scared the hell out of me! Seriously, what's that? A giant orgy?? I'm telling you, you are a sick pervert, Murakami! Have a look at my contract! I never signed to be a porn actor!!"

"I actually like that part in which you…er…" Shuichi babbles.

"Which part?" Eiri asks, raising an eyebrow.

The younger man stands on tiptoe and whispers something into his workmate's ear. Eiri can't help but blush and gives Shuichi a weird look.

"Re…really?" He stammers.

Shuichi turns red too.

"Well… I just thought it didn't sound that bad…" Shu giggles nervously.

"You mean you wouldn't mind..."

The pink-haired boy shakes his head.

"And of course, you couldn't say that earlier, you damn brat?" The blonde sighs.

Shuichi grins.

Eiri clears his throat and runs his fingers through his blond hair.

"Would you mind if I used your ashtray, Murakami-sama? Have you ever been told that you have beautiful eyes? And about that pay rise you mentioned the other day……………"

* * *

_Thanks for reading! Whether you like this story or not, reviews are always welcome! :)_

_I already have a few other ideas with various Gravitation characters, I'll see what I'll do with them, hehe!_


	2. Fanfictions

**Plot**_**:**__ What if the Gravitation characters only were "actors" at the mercy of Murakami? Working with such eccentric employees is no picnic! Claims, complaints, pain and joy… Welcome to Murakami's office!_

**Note:**_ No offence meant to anyone! And no offence meant to Murakami either (i lover her work!) This is just for fun!  
And just to make that clear (or to try to make that clear more like! It's clear in my head but hard to explain! lol): when I say the characters are "actors" at the mercy of Murakami, I mean they are like "puppets" in the hands of a "puppeteer". It's like they play their own parts, but are not free of any decision, only Murakami can decide what they do in her story. In other words, in supposedly "real life", the one who plays Eiri's part for example is called Uesugi Eiri too and he's the brother of Tatsuha and Mika. Oh, but it's not yet known whether he's got an affair or not with Shuichi outside Gravitation. Oh my, that's not clear at all! LOL. I'll try again later! _

**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own Gravitation, nor do I own Maki Murakami! hehe! _

**CHAPTER 2**_**:**__ Tohma is depressed by some nasty comments about him on Fanfiction dot net. _

_Please bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes__! ;-)_

_

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_

**FANFICTIONS**

_Murakami's office. Monday. 8.43am. At least that's what the clock on the wall says! Two sexy blond-haired men are sitting at the mangaka's desk. What I wouldn't give to… Oups! Sorry for that! That was just me thinking aloud! Ok, so, on the left, we've got Seguchi Tohma, his elbows placed on the desk and his chin leaning on his fists and on the right is Yuki Eiri sitting crossed-legs and taking a drag on his cigarette. He looks pretty bored (but still damn sexy! Ok, ok, I'll stop that!). Murakami seems to be very busy and barely pays any attention to them. _

"Let's face it… People hate me…" Tohma sighs.

"Dear, you're such a crybaby, Seguchi! Why do you always have to dramatize?" Eiri replies.

"I don't! Just have a look at Fanfiction website and you'll see what I mean!"

"Never heard of it"

"You must be kidding Eiri-san! Or then you live on another planet!"

Eiri gives Tohma a weird look and exhales a long line of smoke as he stands up.

"Alright, you live on another planet…" Tohma says, rolling his eyes. "It is a fan fiction archive site which means it hosts fan made stories about…"

"My word!" Eiri exclaims, ignoring his brother-in-law and opening Murakami's personal bar. "You spoil yourself, don't you, Murakami? May I?"

He doesn't wait for the answer and helps himself to a glass of whisky.

"Eiri-kun! It's not even 9.00am!"

"Oh yeah, I perfectly know what time it is, Seguchi, thank you very much! Do I need to remind you who knocked at my door two hours ago, begging me to come around with them for something supposedly _very important_?" Eiri sneers, sipping at his whisky.

"But it IS very important! You should see some of the comments people make about me on that website! That scares me! What would you do if people said they hated you and wished you dead?"

"I'd do them a favour and kill myself"

"Eiri-san!"

"I don't know… Maybe you should stop wearing gay fur coats…"

Tohma gives him an incredulous look.

"You think that would help?"

"No. I've just said that for the sake of saying something"

"Oh" Tohma turns to Murakami. "Anyway, Murakami-san, something must be done. I'm not sure how much longer I can handle this. Maybe you could write to the Fanfiction site administrators and tell them you don't allow entries based on your work? I think Anne Rice did it" Tohma says.

An enormous pink bunny in blue dungarees enters the room. Sakuma Ryuichi.

"YEAAAAH! Fanfictions! Kumagoro and I love them! Noriko reads one to me on the phone every evening when Kumagoro and I go to bed! Kumagoro loves it when Shu-chan and I are lovers!"

Eiri's mouth drops open and an infuriated black-haired copy of himself bursts into the office, slamming the door behind him.

"I'll never let that happen! Ryuichi is mine!" Tatsuha shouts.

Ryuichi blinks and what's left of Eiri's cigarette falls from his mouth to the office's wall-to-wall carpet. Tohma absently grounds it out with his foot.

"Tatsuha-chan! Yeaaaah! The more the merrier! Na no da!" Ryu screams happily.

"You mean you're happy I'm here, Ryuichi?" Tatsuha beams, putting both his hands on Sakuma's shoulders.

"Sure!"

Eiri clears his voice.

"Sorry to interrupt your little reunion, but just how many of you are eavesdropping?" He asks slowly.

"Dunno" Tatsuha says. "But Sakano ran away when I opened the door. That coward thought Tohma would kill him if he found out he was eavesdropping!"

"See, even my workmates think badly of me…" Seguchi sighs.

"Shut the hell up, Tohma! You're really getting worse than Shuichi!" Eiri gnarls, opening the office door.

They are all there. Shuichi, K, Hiro, Suguru, Noriko, Mika… Everyone! Even his father! Oh, and even that fangirl who appears only two seconds at the beginning of volume 6.

"I see…" Eiri mumbles, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Well, are you going to pretend you were all having a little chat in the corridor or are you coming in?"

He just has time to flatten himself against the wall before dozens of people enter the office. Within seconds, the place is more crowded than shopping centre's toilets during Christmas time and noisier than a Boeing 747 take-off.

"_Hiro-san, have you read those in which the two of us fornicate? __Yuck!" An outraged Suguru asks. _

"_Man, you shouldn't have read those ones, they're rated M and as far as I know, you're not a mature adult yet!" __Hiro smirks. _

"_I'm gonna have a word or two with these fangirls! Tohma is not gay, he's my husband!" Mika shouts. _

"_Shindou and I? These people are really sick!" Aizawa yells. _

"_Hey! How come there's only one fanfiction that comes out when I select my name? And what's that stuff with Judy trying to have naughty fun with me? Do we all have to be gay in these stories? That's not fair!" Reiji moans. _

"_Wait a minute! Judy as in MY Judy?" K screams. _

"_Kumagoro wants a boyfriend too! Or would that be a rabbitfriend?"_

"For God's sake, am I the only one who's never heard of that website?" Eiri shouts at the top of his voice so that everyone hears him.

People stop talking and give him a compassion look.

"Let's face it bro! You're a square! You gotta move with the times, you old fart!" Tatsuha teases.

"I always knew you were a loser, my son" Their father says, patting his eldest son on the back. "You should dye your hair black, it would help a lot I'm sure"

Eiri boils with anger but tries to stay calm and turns to Shuichi.

"Had you ever heard about those stories before?" He asks in a quiet but yet very menacing tone.

"Me?" Shuichi giggles nervously, trying his best to look innocent. "Oh, Yuki, have you seen that funny picture on the wall? Pretty scary, huh?"

"Shindou-kun, this is a replica of one of the most famous Picasso paintings" Suguru sighs.

"Wait…" Eiri says, narrowing his eyes. "Don't tell me this is why you come around to my place and borrow my laptop every Sunday afternoon? To read those bloody stories?"

Shuichi chuckles.

"Well, you should give them a try Yuki, they're quite fun, really! Except the ones in which we're dying maybe…"

Eiri claps his hand to his forehead.

"No, thanks. I think I've already heard enough! And when did you learn to read anyway, you damn brat?"

"Yukiiiiiiii! Stop thinking I'm a complete dumbass!" Shuichi shouts.

"You're not?" Eiri defiantly asks. He just loves to tease his favourite workmate.

"Yuki, you bastard, I hate you!"

Someone is finding this "fight" very amusing and wants to add his personal touch.

"My favourite fanfictions are those in which Eiri-san and I do dirty things, huhu, so kinky!" Tohma giggles.

Suddenly, Uesugi Eiri is not Uesugi Eiri anymore… He is… a non-green Hulk! Or King-Kong maybe? Oh, no, it can't be, Eiri's less hairy! _(that's got to be the worst play-on-words I've ever made in my life! I'm really ashamed! Really!)_ What about Godzilla then? Oh well, who cares? Let's just say he is in a mad rage. Again.

"IN… WHICH…WE…DO…WHAT?" He vociferates, articulating each syllable.

Tohma shrugs and gives the others a satisfied look.

"Didn't I tell you Eiri-san was a hypersensitive man? So, who was right eh?" He gives Shuichi a nudge. "Aren't I the one who knows him best?"

"Err… Excuse me, would you mind if I tried to write the next track? I have a deadline, in case you wouldn't know"

"Hey, who's speaking?" Shuichi asks, standing on tiptoe to try and see whose voice it is.

"It is I, Maki Murakami"

Silence falls in the office and everyone turn to face her. Oh yeah, their boss. They had nearly forgotten about her.

"Murakami… Murakami…" Ryuichi mumbles, scratching his forehead and tapping his forefinger on his mouth. "That name is so coooool! I love it! Can we be friends? Please! Please! Please!"

As soon as the last word escapes his mouth, a magnum is pointed at his temple.

"Ryuichi… shut up or I'll make you shut up myself!" Vin Diesel with hair _(I've stolen that one from Volume 6!) _shouts.

Chibi Ryuichi's eyes fill with tears and his mouth trembles.

"Meanie! I don't like K when he says things like that! I hate it!" He screams, running away.

"Thank you, K" Murakami says, nodding at the American man.

"You're welcome!" K replies, with a sparkling white smile worth of a toothpaste commercial.

"Ass kisser" Eiri smirks.

He opens his mouth to say something else and K takes out a grenade out of his pocket, but Murakami gives them a black look.

"Fine. Now that I've got your full attention," the mangaka says, folding her arms, "let me tell you that if you're not out of that office in ten seconds… I'LL MAKE YOU ALL DIE IN THE NEXT VOLUME! 10… 9…"

No one moves. The Gravitation's crew is rather unruly. Nothing new here.

"8...6…5…"

"Murakami-sama, I think you've missed out Number 7" Suguru hazards.

The author ignores him.

"4…3…2…"

"Excuse me Murakami-sensei, but what if our character is already dead? I mean, I can't die a second time, this would be kinda ludicrous, wouldn't it?" Kitazawa Yuki asks.

"1… ZERO!"

* * *

**_Thanks for reading! Whether you like this story or not, reviews are always welcome! :)_**

_And forgive me if it was completely crazy! I guess i'm a bit insane too! ahem! Oh, and yeah, I know I said Murakami would never talk in this fic, but well, i had to make her speak! Let's say you just can't stay silent when you have a bunch of crazy folks messing around in your office while you're trying to work! :-D_

_Oh, they wouldn't let me type the ".net" after fanfiction. It gets deleted anytime! Pah! :-D_


	3. Onelegged

_**Plot:**__ What if the Gravitation characters only were "actors" at the mercy of Murakami? Working with such eccentric employees is no picnic! Claims, complaints, pain and joy… Welcome to Murakami's office!_

_**Note:**__ No offence meant to anyone! And no offence meant to Murakami either (i lover her work!) This is just for fun!  
When I say the characters are "actors" at the mercy of Murakami, I mean they are like "puppets" in the hands of a "puppeteer". It's like they play their own parts, but are not free of any decision, only Murakami can decide what they do in her story._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own Gravitation, nor do I own Maki Murakami! hehe! _

_**CHAPTER 3:**__ What makes Ryu cry that much?_

**_Please bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes__! ;-)_**

**_

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_**

**ONE-LEGGED**

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Ryuichi is sad. Dreary. Low-spirited. Doleful. Down in the dumps. (*stops to catch her breath*) Sick at heart. Desperate. Inconsolable. Noisy.

Oh yeah, noisy. Murakami has never heard anything that loud before. Not even when Shuichi cut off seven of his fingers and his left little toe during the shooting of the "Cook-off championship"

(How he managed to cut one of his toes while cooking is still a mystery to her though. But Eiri had flatly refused to bandage it, saying Shuichi's feet smelled worse than a decomposing corpse. To Shuichi's great displeasure, that argument had been really convincing and no one did dare to approach his bleeding toe. He lost at least one litre of blood which formed a pool on which Sakano slipped which made him break his coccyx which… Alright! I just thought you'd like a bit of drama! Am I that bad at it? Oh well…)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Murakami lets out a sigh of relief as she finally finds her old earplugs next to a dead cockroach in her desk's drawer.

_Meanwhile, on a rather big boat, somewhere on the North Atlantic Ocean…  
_"_I AM THE KING OF THE… Hey guys, what's that huge block of ice right there?"_

Oups! Sorry! Looks like I've got it all mixed-up… Ok, let's try again!

_Meanwhile, Uesugi Eiri is walking down a corridor. He is in a pretty good mood today (yes, it does happen). Indeed, his two most annoying workmates (although it is hard to pick just two), the pink-haired punk and his bunny cosplayer friend, have taken the day-off to go underwear shopping (No need to drool, you stupid fangirls, they only wear 70's style Y-fronts! Yup, that kinda shatters the myth, huh?) which means he's got a whole peaceful day at work ahead of him. No bursts of joy, no screams, no… _

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Alright, that was too good to be true. That voice… Sakuma… Could it be that something bad happened to Shindou? The cries seem to come from Murakami's office. He speeds up his pace, his heart beating fast. _"What the fuck?"_ He moans to himself when it dawns on him that the idea of Shuichi being hurt nearly made him run.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

"What happened?" He snaps as he bursts into his boss' office and catches a glimpse of the source of noise.

"His leg's off!" Sakuma sobs.

"WHAT? What did you do to him, you rabbit rapist?" Eiri yells, grabbing Chibi Ryuichi by his collar and raising him.

You might find at this point that Eiri is being quite overreactive for someone who supposedly doesn't give a fuck to his pink-haired fellow actor, and you have the right to think so. Although he is all about denial, Eiri always thought his eccentric workmate was sex on legs. Only thing is that being sex on legs with one leg off is going to be a bit tough.

"Wasn't my fault!" Ryu protests, wiping Eiri's sputters off his cheek with his sleeve. "We were in the surgical unit, and I cut off his leg by mistake! Let go of me, meanie!" He screams, struggling and kicking the blonde in the chest.

"Cut off his leg by mistake?"

Eiri's golden eyes widen. Out of surprise, he releases his grip and Chibi Ryuichi falls flat on his face. Ryu gets back on his feet and starts shrieking and running in circles in the office as if he was in a trance, and it is now clear to Eiri that it is no use asking the guy for more information.

"Looks like you're having a great fun here" K says, stepping into the room.

"Fuck off!"

"Good morning to you too, Eiri-kun!"

Eiri turns to Murakami, who has not yet said a word, barely paying attention to what is happening. Actually, she seems pretty busy doing something beneath her desk.

"Murakami, how can you be so indifferent? Do you realize your wallet with legs has actually lost one of his legs? He's gonna be less successful with a peg leg, unless he auditions for an extra part in Pirates of the Caribbean 4!"

Eiri's thoughts wander… Shuichi dressed as a pirate doesn't actually look that bad in his mind… Prepare to board!

K's vicious smile makes him come back to reality.

"What are you laughing at, you prat?" Eiri spits.

"I just think it wouldn't be such a bad publicity. It would definitely make housewives cry in front of the TV… Although I think a legless cripple would be even better!" The American man smirks, dusting off one of his 'toys'.

"Jesus, am I the only one who's not a psychopath here?"

"I wouldn't be too sure about that…" Shuichi scoffs as he enters the room.

"Aaaaaaaah! Your leg's there!" Eiri screams, pointing at his young workmate's leg.

Shuichi blinks.

"Of course it's there. Where do you want my leg to be, Yuki? Gee! I knew drugs were commonplace in show business, but I never thought it had such a terrible effect! You look like you've just seen a ghost!"

At these words, three grey-haired men wearing beige overalls and what look like vacuum cleaners on their back burst into the room.

"Has anyone mentioned a ghost?" The first man asks.

Eiri frowns.

"Who the fucking hell are you?" He shouts at them.

"We are the Ghostbusters, don't tell me you've never seen our movie?" The second one speaks.

Eiri raises an eyebrow.

"_When there's something strange in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!_ … No?" The third one looks at Eiri, full of hope.

Eiri's mouth twitches.

"Go back to the rest-home and Hoover your rooms, you old gits!"

"Awww… Where have all the good times gone? They won't even let us supplement our retirement pension…" They sigh, making their way out of the office.

Eiri turns around to face Murakami.

"If Shuichi's leg still attached to his body, who the fuck got his leg cut off? And what kind of dirty things are you doing beneath your desk anyway, you fucking freak?"

Still ignoring him, Murakami raises her hand from beneath her desk. She's holding a needle attached to a pink thread that she cuts with her teeth.

"Alright, here you go, Ryuichi! But promise me next time you play _ER_ with Kumagoro you'll be more careful!" The mangaka gnarls, taking out her earplugs and holding out to Ryu the infamous pink bunny plush… with a sewn-up leg… "Were you talking to me, Uesugi?"

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**_Thanks for reading! Whether you like this story or not, reviews are always welcome! _**

_Oh, and do I need to mention that I do not own the followings: Titanic, Ghostbusters, Pirates of the Caribbean and ER? _


	4. Christmas Wish List

**_Plot:_** _What if the Gravitation characters only were "actors" at the mercy of Murakami? Working with such eccentric employees is no picnic!! Claims, complaints, pain and joy… Welcome to Murakami's office!!_

**_Disclaimer_: **Well, let's see if Santa is generous this year and brings me Gravi's copyrights! hehe!

_**Note**: Just a little chapter for fun! :-)  
When I say the characters are "actors" at the mercy of Murakami, I mean they are like "puppets" in the hands of a "puppeteer". It's like they play their own parts, but are not free of any decision, only Murakami can decide what they do in her story._

_Please, bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes! ;-)_

_**********************************************************_

Murakami barely slept last night. Deadlines really are a nightmare. She drags herself to her office and an envelope on her desk makes her raise an eyebrow. She recognizes Shuichi's handwriting.

"GRAVITATION STAFF'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST"

'Now that is pretty scary' she thinks, when she opens it.

* * *

**SHUICHI**

*** Strawberry Pocky x500**

*** Out of print Sakuma Ryuichi Autobiography**

_→ Autobiography, my arse! The dumbass can hardly spell his name properly!! Eiri._

_→ Shu-chan is sparkly!!! Ryu._

_→ *rolleyes* Eiri._

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**EIRI **

**Get the others a brain, it'll make my day!**

_→ Well, do you think you're the most intelligent man on Earth? Shuichi._

_→ Yup. Did you have any doubt? Eiri._

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**RYUICHI **

(\ (\  
( 'x')  
(_(")(")

**KUMAGORO WANTS A RABBIT FRIEND!**

**RYUI-CHAN WANTS SHU-CHAN AND A SUPER RABBIT COSTUME!**

_→ Murakami, if you kill that moron in Gravitation EX vol.3, I'll spend an entire night with you. Eiri._

_→WHA… ??? Shuichi._

_→ Jealous? Want a threesome? Eiri._

_→ YUKiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Shuichi. _

_→ MEANIE!!! Ryu & Kuma._

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**HIRO **

**I already have all I need to be happy: music, beautiful girlfriend, friends… What else could I hope for?**

_→ Jesus! That man is boring! Have you ever heard of whores and drugs? Have fun, you square! Eiri._

_→ Yuki!! That's disgusting!!! Shuichi._

_→ Well, why, thank you brat! Eiri._

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**SUGURU**

**Dear Murakami-sensei,**

**All I ask for Christmas is a bit more consideration for my character. I mean, I don't mind playing supporting role, but at least, can't I get a girlfriend? The only offer I've got so far was when K asked me to French kiss in volume 12, how sad is that? A pay raise would be more than welcome too, considering I'm the one who works the hardest…**

_→ I can reiterate my proposition if you want me to! K._

_→ Err… no, thank you! I told you, you've got a bad breath!! Suguru._

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**SAKANO**

**All I want for Chistmas is Shacho's happiness.**

_→ Dammit! Sakano! Do you ever think of yourself sometimes? Murakami, get him a rope so that he can do us a favour and hang himself!! Or then make him fuck Fujisaki, at least the boastful kid will stop complaining about being a virgin!! Eiri._

_→ I said I wanted a GIRLfriend! Just because you are gay even in real life doesn't mean everyone else is! And I'm NOT a virgin!! And if I was, it would be none of your business!! Suguru._

_→ You ARE! *smirks* Eiri._

_→ Alright! I AM! But at least, I take responsibility! Not like a certain blond writer who's even more gay than his character and is all about denial! Suguru._

_→Fuck off! Eiri._

_→ Suguru: 1 / Yuki : 0 . Shuichi._

_→You're dead! Eiri._

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**TATSUHA**

**I'm still waiting for my hot scenes with my beloved Ryuichi! You're a manipulator, Murakami! Don't you remember I only accepted that job because of that promise??**

_→PIKA, PIKA!!! Ryu._

* * *

**REIJI**

**A KOALA ROBOT and more hot BL scenes!!**

_→ Get yourself a boyfriend, you moron! Eiri._

_→ Well, I tried to! But don't you remember how jealous you got, you great oaf! Reiji._

_→Whatever! I just did what Murakami had written in her script! Eiri._

_→Oh yeah? Strangely enough, I had the same script and I can't remember having read anywhere that you had to push me from the top of a building!! Reiji._

_→That means Yuki was REALLY jealous??!! Not just in the story?? KAWAAAIIIII!!! Shuichi._

_→Drop dead, damn brat! Eiri._

_→ Let me kiss you, Yuki!!! Shuichi._

_→ I'd rather get leprosy!! Eiri._

_→But you did fuck me again yesterday! Shuichi._

_→Dammit! I'd told you not to tell anyone about what we do outside the Gravitation shooting!!! Besides, I only do it when I'm bored! Eiri._

* * *

**K**

*** Heckler & Koch P11 ZUB (Underwater weapon)**

*** V40 mini-grenades**

*** BGM-109 Tomahawk Land Attack Missile**

_→ Wow! Amazing choices K! I'm impressed! Reiji._

_→ You two really freak me out! Shuichi._

_→ Hey, American loony, will you let me borrow you a few grenades when you get them? Shindou's voice is so annoying that I think they would be of great use. Eiri._

_→YUKI, YOU BASTARD!!! I HOPE YOU'LL LOSE ALL YOUR TEETH AND THAT YOUR DICK WILL FALL OFF!!! Shuichi._

_→See what I mean, huh, K?! Eiri._

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**RIKU**

**Pain, pain, go away!!**

_→ Hey, K, I think I'll need a few more grenades… Eiri._

_→ YUKi!! How can you write such horrible things??!! Shuichi._

_→I just take a pen and form the letters on the piece of paper. Simple as that! Eiri._

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**TOHMA**

**I want hot scenes with Eiri-san, oh, and pushing more people in front of a car, that was kinda fun! And if you could hire my my great-aunt's cousin's brother-in-law's nephew's child, you'd really be an angel!**

_→ I'll take that Tomahawk land attack missile as well, K! Eiri._

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**KITAZAWA YUKI**

**Is there a way to make my character raise from the dead in a future book? I'm seriously fed up with being dead…**

_→Stay where you are and leave my Yuki alone!! Plus it's Gravitation, not Resident Evil ! Shuichi._

_→ "Your" Yuki? Interesting… Eiri._

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**KUMAGORO.**

**I'm on the verge of committing suicide. What kind of torture is that? Sakuma is so stupid I just want to die! Someone call the Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Plush toys please!!!**

_→ WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!! Kuma-chan, you're so cruel! I thought we were friends!! Ryu._

_→ Yuki! That's really not nice to pretend you're Kumagoro and make Sakuma-san cry! You should be ashamed! Shuichi._

_→ Well, I'm not! I actually thought it was fucking brilliant! Eiri._

_→ ?????????? Ryu._

* * *

**MERRY CHRISTMAS SENSEI!!! **

**_Your beloved staff_. **

**PS****. MURAKAMI, YOU DIRTY PERV! I'VE JUST READ MEGAMIX PANDA'S SCRIPT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!! A THREESOME WITH MY BROTHER AND MY BROTHER-IN-LAW??!! AND I AM THE UKE!! DAMMIT, IT MAKES ME WANNA PUKE! YOU SHOULD REALLY SEE A DOCTOR, YOU PIECE OF DOG SHIT!!!**

_→Eiri-san! Mind your language! Anyway, Murakami-Sensei, I've read that script too and it's the best you've ever written! You are a genius! Although I'd rather have Eiri for myself than sharing him with Tatsuha-san. Tohma._

_→ Hey, wait a minute!! What's that ?? Why is it I'm not even aware of it? Tatsuha._

_→ Because you never read the scripts, you lazy thing! Suguru._

_→ Seguchi Tohma, may we have a word in private? RIGHT NOOOOOOOW!!!!!! Mika._

* * *

Murakami can't help but smile. Sounds like she's still gonna have a lot of fun in 2009…

* * *

_THANKS FOR READING AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! :)_

* * *


	5. Just one week

**Note**: Alright, I know the last update was more than two years ago (time goes by so quickly!) and I've just realised I've had this chapter nearly "ready" on my computer for a year. Oh well...

_**Please, bear in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes! ;)**_

_**

* * *

**_

**JUST ONE WEEK.**

"DROP DEAD, you old bat!"

Yuki Eiri is angry. Terribly angry. That makes a nice change! Hum...

"See, Murakami-sensei, I told you he wouldn't agree..." Shuichi says nervously, watching Eiri out of the corner of his eye.

"Of course, I wouldn't agree! Jesus! I knew you were a crazy old lady, Murakami, but this time, you've gone beyond the bounds! I'd rather be dead than let him stay at my place! Don't you think I already spend enough time with him? You often make us work fifteen hours a day, you torturer! Anyway, _The poor boy lives with his parents in the countryside. He spends nearly four hours a day in the train to come and work here_... Did you seriously believe you'd move me to pity with that? Let me tell you you're barking up the wrong tree, you bitch! He can die and rot in hell, I don't give a fuck! If he doesn't want to take the train, there's a bridge near the studios, he can go and live under it. People often throw all sorts of things from its top, so if he's lucky enough, he might even get some crisps or pieces of sandwiches."

"Yuki, that's so mean!" Shuichi exclaims.

"Mean? I'm giving you out a few tips to get free accommodation and meals, and yet you're calling me _mean_? Gee, you're such an ungrateful brat! Anyway, there's no way I put him up, do you hear me, Murakami? I'm already nervous enough these days. I'm trying to quit smoking..."

"Yuki! You quit smoking only five minutes before we entered the office!"

"So what? It already makes me feel nervous! Seriously though, Murakami... The guy is loud. A horrible cry baby. With pink hair! Not to mention he can't cook. He can't do the housework. His vocabulary is so poor he can't even keep me entertained with interesting conversations. If only he were good in bed, but he's still a virgin and I'm not patient enough to teach him. So tell me, what use would he be of at home?"

"Hey, how do you know I'm still a virgin?" Shuichi gets indignant.

"Well, I didn't know for sure, but you've just let the cat out of the bag."

"Yuki, you asshole!"

"I may be an asshole, but at least I lost my virginity a long time ago!"

"Anyway, there are a few things I can do pretty well..."

"Oh yeah, like what?"

"I can eat a full packet of Pocky in less than 30 seconds... I know all the choreography to Village People songs... I can touch my nose with my tongue... I can imitate Donald Duck's voice..."

Apparently not convinced, Yuki Eiri rolls his eyes out of impatience, so Shuichi decides to play his ace.

"I can also do this..." He says as he comes closer to the blond guy and... munches his ear!

"Aaaah, you bastard!" Yuki yells, his face turning red.

Shuichi giggles.

"Ok, you can come and live with me... Just for one week, alright?"

"Yeeees! Yuki, I love –"

Yuki knocks Shuichi's head onto the floor.

"JUST ONE WEEK!"

Suddenly, a faint giggle is heard, coming from Murakami, they both guess.

"Hey, what makes you laugh, old bag?" Yuki asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Ah, Eiri, I had no idea your ear was your weakness... Could be pretty useful in a future scenario..."

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_**Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews! :)**_

_Ps. The end of this chapter contains quotes from Episode 4, when Shuichi moves in with Eiri. Thought it was fun to draw a parallel. _

**Published on January.17 2011**


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